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How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:

Details Of Dream House Getting Much Less Specific With Each New Place Found In Price Range

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.

Viewers Impressed By How Male Trump Looked During Debate

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Saying the Republican nominee exhibited just the qualities they were looking for in the country’s next leader, viewers throughout the nation reported Monday night that they were impressed by how male Donald Trump appeared throughout the first debate.

Poll: 89% Of Debate Viewers Tuning In Solely To See Whether Roof Collapses

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Explaining that the American people showed relatively little interest in learning more about the nominees’ economic, counterterrorism, or immigration policies, a new Quinnipiac University poll revealed that 89 percent of viewers were tuning into Monday night’s presidential debate solely to see whether the roof collapses on the two candidates.
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Connor's Corner

Yesterday

Mayor Hallinan announced a new beautification plan for Central Avenue today. She pledged to personally donate two flats of annuals for the flower beds on the west side of the street to be planted as soon as the last freeze is over. The mayor is requesting that someone with a pickup will go with her to BJ's Nursery to pick the flowers up. (Calvin Etridge, how about you?) Hallinan also urged everyone to please respect the beautification project once it is put in place. "After we make everything nice, let's work to keep it that way," Hallinan said. "Everyone knows who I'm talking about so I might as well just say it. Tim Seidell, keep that dog out of those flowers."

Three days ago

I'm happy to announce a new feature on the WONN-5 Noon News called "For Purchase In Pennington." Each week I will highlight a different local product. Next time, I'll talk to Eric Perkins of Randy's Outdoor Furniture. (Randy is still in the hospital after the band-saw accident.)

Four days ago

Here's a little tip for WONN-5 viewers. Did you know you can find up-to-date WONN-5 programming schedules online? On a computer, go to www.tvguide.com/Listings and type in our zip code. Scroll down to channel 5 and there you go -- the listings for the entire week! Easy, huh?

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