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Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Origins Of Popular Slang Terms

As the internet helps push new words and expressions into common usage, many may wonder where our most ubiquitous idioms come from. Here are the origins of some popular slang terms and phrases

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

Man Had No Idea Cough Was Going To Be Wet One

MUSKEGON, MI—Caught completely off guard by the viscous lump of sputum that was dislodged and sent rocketing upward from his lower respiratory tract, area man Luke Reese confirmed Wednesday he had no idea his impending cough was going to be a wet one.

How To Report A Crime

Whether you are a bystander, witness, or the direct victim of a crime, it’s important to know how to alert the authorities. The Onion provides a step-by-step guide for reporting a crime
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Connor's Corner


Mayor Hallinan announced a new beautification plan for Central Avenue today. She pledged to personally donate two flats of annuals for the flower beds on the west side of the street to be planted as soon as the last freeze is over. The mayor is requesting that someone with a pickup will go with her to BJ's Nursery to pick the flowers up. (Calvin Etridge, how about you?) Hallinan also urged everyone to please respect the beautification project once it is put in place. "After we make everything nice, let's work to keep it that way," Hallinan said. "Everyone knows who I'm talking about so I might as well just say it. Tim Seidell, keep that dog out of those flowers."

Three days ago

I'm happy to announce a new feature on the WONN-5 Noon News called "For Purchase In Pennington." Each week I will highlight a different local product. Next time, I'll talk to Eric Perkins of Randy's Outdoor Furniture. (Randy is still in the hospital after the band-saw accident.)

Four days ago

Here's a little tip for WONN-5 viewers. Did you know you can find up-to-date WONN-5 programming schedules online? On a computer, go to and type in our zip code. Scroll down to channel 5 and there you go -- the listings for the entire week! Easy, huh?


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