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Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life

CHATTANOOGA, TN—Explaining how his subtle belittlement and disrespect for women in face-to-face interactions had little in common with the bold, outspoken manner in which he degrades women when he’s on social media or website message boards, sources reported Tuesday that local man Colin McManus is a totally different misogynist online than in real life.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.
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Connor's Corner

Yesterday

Mayor Hallinan announced a new beautification plan for Central Avenue today. She pledged to personally donate two flats of annuals for the flower beds on the west side of the street to be planted as soon as the last freeze is over. The mayor is requesting that someone with a pickup will go with her to BJ's Nursery to pick the flowers up. (Calvin Etridge, how about you?) Hallinan also urged everyone to please respect the beautification project once it is put in place. "After we make everything nice, let's work to keep it that way," Hallinan said. "Everyone knows who I'm talking about so I might as well just say it. Tim Seidell, keep that dog out of those flowers."

Three days ago

I'm happy to announce a new feature on the WONN-5 Noon News called "For Purchase In Pennington." Each week I will highlight a different local product. Next time, I'll talk to Eric Perkins of Randy's Outdoor Furniture. (Randy is still in the hospital after the band-saw accident.)

Four days ago

Here's a little tip for WONN-5 viewers. Did you know you can find up-to-date WONN-5 programming schedules online? On a computer, go to www.tvguide.com/Listings and type in our zip code. Scroll down to channel 5 and there you go -- the listings for the entire week! Easy, huh?

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