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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Construction Restricts Daytona 500 Traffic To One Lane

DAYTONA BEACH, FL—Construction crews working to patch the rippled and broken asphalt of Daytona International Speedway reduced traffic to a single lane during last Sunday's Daytona 500, resulting in average speeds of 35 miles per hour. "It's bad enough that they can't get this fixed during the week," said race winner Jamie McMurray, who finished in just over 15 hours. "And NASCAR doubles the fines for speeding in work zones, so there was nothing we could do." Disagreeing with McMurray was Emilio Ramirez, operator of the No. 0563 Rolaids/Chick-fil-A Caterpillar road grader, who earned time-and-a-half for the race and called the event a "rousing success."

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