Consumers Now Required To Seek Treasury Department Approval On All Purchases Over $50

Top Headlines

Recent News

How To Reform The Nation’s Prison System

With pressing issues such as overcrowding, overuse of solitary confinement, and the long-term incarceration of nonviolent offenders, many critics of the nation’s prison system are calling for sweeping reforms. Here are some of the proposals to improve the prison system:

Sight Of 400 War Elephants On Horizon Marks Hillary Clinton’s Arrival In Swing State

WHEELING, OH—Feeling the earth shake beneath them as they watched the procession climb over the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains toward their village, sources along the Ohio border confirmed Thursday that the sight of 400 war elephants marching on the horizon marked Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s arrival to the critical swing state.

WNBA MVP Devastated After Roommate Moves Out Without Any Warning

CHICAGO—Saying she is now desperately searching for any options that will prevent her from being evicted, Chicago Sky forward and 2015 WNBA MVP Elena Delle Donne was reportedly left scrambling Thursday after her roommate moved out of their apartment without any warning whatsoever.

Impressive New Hire Figures Out Bare Minimum Of Work Job Requires On First Day

MILWAUKEE—Marveling at his extraordinary ability to learn the ropes at the technology firm and quickly fit right in with the rest of his colleagues, sources at Starpoint Solutions confirmed Thursday that impressive new hire Eric Myers has already figured out the bare minimum of work his job requires on the very first day.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Consumers Now Required To Seek Treasury Department Approval On All Purchases Over $50

WASHINGTON—Disappointed with the way the nation has been managing its money, the Treasury Department announced Wednesday it had begun requiring citizens to seek government approval on all purchases over $50. "It's not that we don't trust people, but right now we're not seeing a lot of evidence suggesting they're capable of making these decisions on their own," Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said of the law requiring consumers to fill out a form at the point-of-sale listing the desired item, the total estimated cost, and the reason why they need it and why they need it now. "If, for example, you are a 32-year-old woman deep in credit card debt, we are going to need a compelling reason as to why you need a vintage rotary phone from Anthropologie." At press time, the department had denied Cleveland resident Jim Barnes' purchase of a Buffalo Springfield box set that he already had on cassette.