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Content Writer Awkwardly Shows Parents Around Website Where He Works

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Content Writer Awkwardly Shows Parents Around Website Where He Works

NEW YORK—Finally giving in to their requests to visit his place of employment, local content writer Adam Lundey awkwardly showed his parents around the website where he works, sources confirmed Thursday. “This is the home page, which is like the main area, but I generally spend most of my day to the side in the blog—that guy Doug I might’ve mentioned has that post right by mine,” said Lundey, whose tour of his workplace also included brief stops at the About Us page and the links index. “Over here’s the masthead, where most of the managers and VPs are. And, if you really want, I can take you guys to the back-end development system, but I usually don’t get over there very much.” At press time, despite their son’s protests, Lundey’s parents were insisting on dropping by the comments section.

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