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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Continental Sports Channel To Hold 10th Anniversary Memorial Service For 'Sports Night' Employees Killed On 9/11

NEW YORK—Citing a responsibility to honor coworkers lost on Sept. 11, 2001, Continental Sports Channel managing editor and former Sports Night executive producer Dana Whitaker announced that a memorial service would be held Sunday near the show’s former World Trade Center office. “When the first plane hit, instantly killing Dan [Rydell] and Casey [McCall], the show and our lives changed forever,” said Whitaker, adding that the memorial would especially be cathartic for the show’s current executive producer, Natalie Hurley-Goodwin, who lost her husband Jeremy when the studio’s editing bay was engulfed in flames. “So many members of the CSC family are now gone: the entire crew; [CSC ratings adviser] Sam [Donovan], who was actually on one of the planes; and Sally Sasser who, even though she wanted my job and slept with Casey, did put on a very polished West Coast Update. And poor Isaac. With the complications he was suffering as a result of his stroke, he never had a chance of making it out.” Whitaker added that she is still having trouble finding the right balance between her personal and professional life.

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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