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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Control Freak Wishes She Had More Free Time

CHICAGO–Leo Burnett advertising executive and control freak Suzanne Kreutz lamented her lack of free time Monday while reworking a Kellogg's print ad that a fellow executive just didn't nail. "God, I wish I could just go see a movie once in a while," said Kreutz, re-writing the perfectly good copy. "If this company didn't need me to keep it from flying apart at the seams, I could actually relax a little."

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