adBlockCheck

Convention-Goer Has High Hopes For Hilarious Name Tag

Top Headlines

Local

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home

SAN DIEGO—Having already pointed out when everyone back home was getting off work and when the local nightly news was starting, area mother Pam Westin spent much of the first day of her family’s week-long California vacation marveling at the time difference compared to where they lived, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work

SMYRNA, DE—Saying he needed to be transported to a tranquil, untroubled state of calmness pronto, local man Pete McCartin, 29, told reporters Thursday that a fresh-brewed mug of purportedly relaxation-promoting tea had better fucking work.

Parents Into New Snack Now

BALLSTON, NY—Noticing they had both a Lightly Salted and a Tomato Basil version of the previously unknown product in their cupboard upon arriving for a visit home this past weekend, Jared Randall, 26, confirmed Wednesday that his parents are into a new snack now.

Mom Declares Garage Her Next Big Project

DES MOINES, IA—Announcing to family members it was getting “just about impossible” to find anything out there, local mother Pam Westin, 53, declared Friday that the garage is her next big project, sources confirmed.

Emergency Crew Rushes To Pull Child Out Of Football Huddle

CHESAPEAKE, VA—Saying they immediately feared the worst when they saw the child in such a treacherous, life-threatening situation, onlookers confirmed that an emergency crew rushed onto a local sports field Wednesday afternoon and moved quickly to pull a young boy out of a football huddle.

Office Manager Unveils New Rule

WARREN, MI—Stipulating that the regulation would take effect immediately, Summit Industries office manager Angela Werner reportedly unveiled a new rule Tuesday in a company-wide email.

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Convention-Goer Has High Hopes For Hilarious Name Tag

CUMBERLAND, RI—In keeping with a tradition he started nine years ago, Bearing Service & Supply sales representative Steve Carlson told reporters Thursday that he will once again don a humorous name tag at this weekend's annual Rhode Island Fluid Power Distributors convention.

Carlson with a framed replica of his popular 2002 name-tag design.

According to the 44-year-old, his sidesplitting name tag will not only be the highlight of the convention, but will ultimately lead to increased sales of industrial hose connectors with M23 thread locking and internal strain relief.

"I'll admit I have a reputation for making some pretty hilarious name tags," said Carlson, who started relatively small when he debuted "Steve-O" at the 1997 convention. "But this is the 10th anniversary, so this needs to be one for the ages."

"People will be expecting something hysterical," he added, noting that he set the bar high with last year's name tag, in which he replaced the two lowercase e's in his first name—one with Pac-Man and the other with Ms. Pac-Man.

Though Carlson would not divulge his idea for the 2007 design for fear of ruining it, the husband and father of two said he was certain his plan for the 2-by-3 inch, self-adhesive name tag would be appreciated for its cleverness, its creativity, and, most importantly, its ability to induce uproarious laughter.

"2007's [name tag] will be more conceptual," Carlson said. "I think the convention is ready for that."

Carlson stated that his humor has, over the years, ranged from subtle—1999's model in which he added the Roman numerals "XV" after his last name—to completely outrageous, like 2001's gut-busting configuration of five name tags plastered across his chest, spelling out "S-T-E-V-E."

"I had to go all out that year," Carlson said. "It was after 9/11 and people needed to laugh."

According to Carlson, a humorous convention name tag is not only a conversation starter, but also an indispensable tool for putting others at ease, making them more susceptible to a friendly conversation about purchasing higher-end, sub-miniature connectors.

"Folks in this business tend to be a pretty serious bunch," said Carlson, who credits his 2005 sale of 7,000 hose connectors with quick bayonet locking solely to his decision to label himself Hulk Hogan for the entirety of the two-day convention. "My name tags remind them that just because we are talking about transparent bend protection sleeves doesn't mean we can't have a little fun, too."

Though the vast majority of his name tags have "gone over huge," Carlson admitted 2003's model rubbed some convention-goers the wrong way. That particular year, Carlson crossed off the o in the "Hello, My Name Is" section of the label, causing it to read, "Hell, My Name Is."

"I figured I'd built up enough of a positive reputation that I could do something a little more edgy," Carlson said. "But some people were offended by it. That was an important lesson for me. There's only so far you can push the envelope sometimes."

Accompanying Carlson to the convention for the first time this year will be his wife, Sharon Carlson, who over the past decade has served as a sounding board for her husband's name-tag plans.

"Steve's a real kook," Mrs. Carlson said. "He's actually not that funny in person, though. I think he saves it for the name tags."

Friends and interested colleagues are invited to join Carlson this Saturday for the 2007 design's unveiling, which will be held at the registration desk immediately following the 9 a.m. Kickoff Welcome Breakfast.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close