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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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Convict Sentenced To Generating $80,000 To $100,000 In Profits For Private Prison

OLNEY SPRINGS, CO—After being tried and convicted of armed robbery and two counts of aggravated assault, local 24-year-old Elijah Rudin was officially sentenced Friday to generating $80,000 to $100,000 in profits for the privately held Crowley County Correctional Facility. “The defendant is hereby ordered to create a minimum of $80,000 in net profits at a medium security prison owned and operated by the CoreCivic corporation,” said Judge Gary Mueller, adding that Rudin will be processed the following day at Crowley County prison, where he will remain incarcerated until he has produced at least a 1.25 percent increase in CoreCivic’s stock valuation. “I believe this sentence is an appropriate punishment given the nature of Mr. Rudin’s crimes, the harm caused to his victims, and the fact that Crowley County Prison will qualify for a generous government stipend for housing a minimum number of inmates, per the terms of CoreCivic’s contract with the Colorado Department of Corrections. I sincerely hope, Mr. Rudin, you now fully understand the consequences of your actions.” Mueller went on to clarify that Rudin will eventually be eligible for parole on condition of good quarterly earnings.

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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