adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
End Of Section
  • More News

Cooking Tips

Becoming a great cook is easier than you might think.

Here are some tips to help you become a whiz in the kitchen:


  • To ensure that you always use the freshest ingredients, keep a live pig on hand.
  • The general rule of thumb for vinegar is: The browner, the better. If all you have is buck-a-gallon white vinegar, toss in some soy sauce or a brown Magic Marker.
  • There is an elusive-yet-distinct quality that separates the great cooks from the merely average ones. That quality is "Wessonality."
  • You'd be amazed by the number of great recipes that can be found on the backs of cans, bottles, and boxes. Just make sure the can, bottle, or box doesn't contain Pennzoil, hydrogen peroxide, or Sakrete™ instant concrete.
  • Do not thaw frozen fish in milk or do anything else Julia Child says. She high.
  • If you are a man, you deserve to be gushed over just for reading these cooking tips. That's so great!
  • Cooking can be very dangerous, due to the use of fire, knives, and electrical appliances. Only cook under the careful supervision of your Living Skills coach.
  • Stone soup gets its fullest, heartiest flavor from sandstone or dark shale. Igneous and metamorphic stones tend to overwhelm the flavor of the vegetables.
  • Remember this oft-overlooked cooking secret: The toaster lever can be pushed down again if your bread is not sufficiently brown.
  • McDonald's is the world's most popular restaurant chain, so its food must be the best. Study McDonald's food as a template for your own.
  • Remember: With passion and the right attitude, anyone can cook. Wait, that's "play punk rock." Never mind.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close