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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Cool Dentist Doesn't Give A Shit About Patients' Flossing

BERKELEY, CA—Cool Berkeley-area dentist Marvin Wilson, DDS, has grown in popularity lately due to his laid-back attitude toward regular brushing and flossing, which he "couldn't give two shits about," according to sources. "I asked him if I should be brushing differently, and he said people should just brush in whatever way makes them happy," recalls longtime client Amanda Jefferies, 27. "One time he started to warn me about gingivitis, but then he was like, 'You know what? Forget it. I can tell this is totally bumming you out.'" A receptionist confirmed there is currently a six-month wait to see Dr. Wilson, as his schedule is booked with patients needing extensive gum reconstruction.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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