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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Cool Dentist Doesn't Give A Shit About Patients' Flossing

BERKELEY, CA—Cool Berkeley-area dentist Marvin Wilson, DDS, has grown in popularity lately due to his laid-back attitude toward regular brushing and flossing, which he "couldn't give two shits about," according to sources. "I asked him if I should be brushing differently, and he said people should just brush in whatever way makes them happy," recalls longtime client Amanda Jefferies, 27. "One time he started to warn me about gingivitis, but then he was like, 'You know what? Forget it. I can tell this is totally bumming you out.'" A receptionist confirmed there is currently a six-month wait to see Dr. Wilson, as his schedule is booked with patients needing extensive gum reconstruction.

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