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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Cool McCain Supporter Wears 'McCain 2000' Shirt To Campaign Speech

COLUMBUS, OH—According to attendees at a rally held in Columbus' Capitol Theatre Monday, a John McCain supporter in his early 30s was envied and admired by onlookers for wearing an original navy blue "McCain 2000" T-shirt with a peeling logo, frayed neckline, and several holes in the sleeves. "When I saw his shirt, I was like, 'No way! That's totally vintage!'" said 24-year-old David Bennett, noting that it was not a pre-distressed "McCain 2000" shirt like the ones available at Urban Outfitters. "This guy's been a McCain fan since the beginning. He said the campaign kickoff speech in Nashua in '99 was fucking mind-blowing." Sources reported that the hip McCain backer knew all the words to the Arizona senator's speeches, and silently mouthed McCain's entire energy policy while waving a cigarette lighter.

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