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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Cooper Manning Wins Super Bowl Of Energy Stocks Trading

NEW ORLEANS—Gas and oil stock trader Cooper Manning, older brother of Peyton and Eli Manning, turned in an MVP-level performance for his employer, energy research firm Howard Weil, Labouisse and Friedrichs, Inc., Tuesday. "With time running out in the fourth quarter, I knew the only way we were going to come out on top was to pass on drill rig operator Nabors Industries, call a last-second audible, and put our faith in blue-chipper USA Superior Energy Holdings," an excited, champagne-drenched Manning told reporters on the trading floor after the final seconds ticked away and the closing bell officially sounded. "But I can't take all the credit. Without Howard [Weil's] clutch third-quarter decision to invest in the Bristow Group, we wouldn't even be standing here right now." Manning added that, though this is the type of day a professional oil and gas trader dreams of, he has no plans to rest on his laurels and will be back at work tomorrow in hopes of a repeat.

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