Cop Grudgingly Admits Suspect Is The Best Goddamn Pedophile He's Seen In 30 Years On The Force

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LOS ANGELES—Veteran LAPD detective James Russo, 49, reluctantly admitted to reporters Thursday that the pedophile he is currently on the trail of is the best he's seen in his 30 years on the force. "I've put away more than my fair share of pederasts, and let me tell you, this son of a bitch is good—I mean really good," said Russo, shaking his head in admiration while scanning a report detailing the sex crimes the at-large child molester had perpetrated against his latest victim, an 8-year-old Reseda boy. "I certainly don't condone what he's doing, but goddamn it if I don't respect him. There's part of me that just can't help but wonder what sort of stunt this crazy bastard is going to pull next." Russo added that he hasn't been this impressed since 2008, when he apprehended 34-year-old Richard Pearson, the smoothest, most sophisticated public masturbator the detective has encountered in his entire career.

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