Corn Lobby Tightens The Screws

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Grin Slowly Spreads Across Mom’s Face As Meal Revealed To Contain Healthy Ingredients

‘The Mashed Potatoes Are Actually Made With Cauliflower,’ She Announces

VERONA, WI—Having waited until everyone at the table had finished their dinner Monday, a knowing grin reportedly spread across local mother Angela Hopkins’ face as she announced to her family that the mashed potatoes had in fact been made using cauliflower as a healthier alternative.
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Election 2016

Corn Lobby Tightens The Screws

WASHINGTON, DC—Representatives from the National Corn Growers Association put the screws to several U.S. senators in a meeting held at an undisclosed Washington hotel Monday. "If you guys don't support an increase in the National Plant Genome Initiative budget, we'll shuck you like an ear of freshly roasted Iowa sweet," NCGA CEO Rick Tolm said, idly twirling a double-pronged, cob-shaped corn holder in his hand. Senators reportedly promised they'd vote for the budget increase after Tolm threatened to throw them in hot oil and watch them pop.