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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Corporation Proud Of Origins As Small Business That Would Never Survive In Modern Economy

DEERFIELD, IL—Touting its foundational values of hard work, honesty, and integrity, drugstore giant Walgreens confirmed Wednesday it is proud of its origins as a small business that in today’s economy would absolutely never have been able to get off the ground. “Here at Walgreens, we still live by the same commitment to customer service preached by Charles Walgreen when he opened his first store back in 1901,” said company president Alex Gourlay, referring to the miniscule, independent pharmacy that, if opened in the modern era, would quickly be crushed by the present-day Walgreens and other retail chains whose outsized bargaining power allows them to squeeze out would-be competitors at will. “Just like Charles, we take great pride in everything we do. We now have more than 8,000 locations, but in many ways, we’re still that same little shop on the corner [that in the current market would be boarded up within 12 months, leaving its bankrupt owner hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt].” Gourlay added that each Walgreens store sees itself as an integral part of the community it serves, in the sense that residents no longer have any other place to shop and are thus completely dependent upon it.


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