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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Cory Matthews, Mr. Feeny Share Joyous Moment Following Phillies World Series Victory

PHILADELPHIA—Lifetime Phillies fans Cory Matthews, 27, and his former next-door neighbor, educator, and longtime friend, Mr. Feeny, celebrated together after the Phillies captured their first World Series title in 28 years. "I remember when Mr. Matthews attempted to listen to a radio broadcast of a Phillies game during my English class. Now, 15 years later, there's nobody in the world with whom I'd rather celebrate this occasion," the wheelchair-bound Feeny said. "Throughout my years with Mr. Matthews, we've experienced some powerful moments—like when we switched places as teacher and student, or when I babysat him and caught him sneaking into an R-rated movie, or when I got sick because Cory wished I would get sick, prompting him to feel guilty about it—but this is the first time we can experience happiness together as Phillies fans." After their celebration, Matthews and Feeny shared a quiet, solemn moment to remember that Matthews' best friend Shawn Hunter would have been celebrating with them had he not passed away in a motorcycle accident last year.

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