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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Cory Matthews, Mr. Feeny Share Joyous Moment Following Phillies World Series Victory

PHILADELPHIA—Lifetime Phillies fans Cory Matthews, 27, and his former next-door neighbor, educator, and longtime friend, Mr. Feeny, celebrated together after the Phillies captured their first World Series title in 28 years. "I remember when Mr. Matthews attempted to listen to a radio broadcast of a Phillies game during my English class. Now, 15 years later, there's nobody in the world with whom I'd rather celebrate this occasion," the wheelchair-bound Feeny said. "Throughout my years with Mr. Matthews, we've experienced some powerful moments—like when we switched places as teacher and student, or when I babysat him and caught him sneaking into an R-rated movie, or when I got sick because Cory wished I would get sick, prompting him to feel guilty about it—but this is the first time we can experience happiness together as Phillies fans." After their celebration, Matthews and Feeny shared a quiet, solemn moment to remember that Matthews' best friend Shawn Hunter would have been celebrating with them had he not passed away in a motorcycle accident last year.

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