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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Country CD Put On To Impress Repair Guy

WILMETTE, IL—In an effort to impress repairman Jason Delmar, 29, whom he called to fix a malfunctioning dishwasher, local resident Brad Osterberg played Merle Haggard's 1968 album Mama Tried for the entire time Delmar was in his home, the 38-year-old intellectual property attorney told reporters Monday. "He didn't say much, but I think we really connected," said Osterberg, who later added that he always makes sure he has something by A Tribe Called Quest blaring when his usual pizza delivery guy comes. "I just wanted him to feel comfortable. After all, I have a pretty nice place." After leaving Osterberg's home, Delmar reportedly resumed listening to the audiobook of Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow on his repair truck's CD player in order to "get that hillbilly shit out of [his] head."

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