Country CD Put On To Impress Repair Guy

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Vol 45 Issue 05

Area Man Already Tired Of Prison

SHERIDAN, OR—"Honestly, what am I supposed to do now?" First-time inmate Martin Hayes asked. "Sit-Ups? Did some already. And I finished the book I brought with me."

Octuplets Doing Well

The second set of octuplets born in the United States is doing well, with all reportedly breathing on their own. What do you think?
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Country CD Put On To Impress Repair Guy

WILMETTE, IL—In an effort to impress repairman Jason Delmar, 29, whom he called to fix a malfunctioning dishwasher, local resident Brad Osterberg played Merle Haggard's 1968 album Mama Tried for the entire time Delmar was in his home, the 38-year-old intellectual property attorney told reporters Monday. "He didn't say much, but I think we really connected," said Osterberg, who later added that he always makes sure he has something by A Tribe Called Quest blaring when his usual pizza delivery guy comes. "I just wanted him to feel comfortable. After all, I have a pretty nice place." After leaving Osterberg's home, Delmar reportedly resumed listening to the audiobook of Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow on his repair truck's CD player in order to "get that hillbilly shit out of [his] head."

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