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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Couple At Point Where They're Comfortable Using Toilet At Same Time

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Saying they had reached a point in their relationship where they were comfortable around each other at all times, local couple Adam Eickholt, 30, and Erin LeDuc, 28, told reporters Thursday they no longer have a problem using the toilet at the same time. “When we first started dating four years ago, we would always wait until the other had gotten off the toilet before we would even think of using it ourselves, but after a couple years living together, it was just like, ‘Who cares?’” said LeDuc, claiming that her and her boyfriend’s simultaneous use of the toilet had, over time, just become part of their normal routine. “It’s perfectly natural, and it’s not like it’s anything we haven’t seen before. So now, if I need to relieve myself while Adam’s already using the toilet, I just sit right down and go. It’s no big deal.” LeDuc and Eickholt later stated, however, that while they know it’s something most couples are okay with these days, using the same sheets of toilet paper is a line they just won’t cross.

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