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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Couple At Point Where They're Comfortable Using Toilet At Same Time

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Saying they had reached a point in their relationship where they were comfortable around each other at all times, local couple Adam Eickholt, 30, and Erin LeDuc, 28, told reporters Thursday they no longer have a problem using the toilet at the same time. “When we first started dating four years ago, we would always wait until the other had gotten off the toilet before we would even think of using it ourselves, but after a couple years living together, it was just like, ‘Who cares?’” said LeDuc, claiming that her and her boyfriend’s simultaneous use of the toilet had, over time, just become part of their normal routine. “It’s perfectly natural, and it’s not like it’s anything we haven’t seen before. So now, if I need to relieve myself while Adam’s already using the toilet, I just sit right down and go. It’s no big deal.” LeDuc and Eickholt later stated, however, that while they know it’s something most couples are okay with these days, using the same sheets of toilet paper is a line they just won’t cross.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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