VATICAN CITY—Hurrying outside after hearing a disturbingly loud thud against the side of the church, Pope Francis was reportedly left to clean up the remains of a dead angel Monday that flew straight into one of the Sistine Chapel’s windows.
LUBBOCK, TX—A coalition of residents at the Winding Brook subdivision announced Monday that neighbors Stanley and Janet Mann do not deserve their new 120-square-foot teak-stained redwood deck. "What does Stan need a deck that big for, anyway—that little bitty Weber grill?" said home-owners' association treasurer Shelly Pierce at a conference in her gazebo. "And Janet? Does she even work in the summers? Teachers are obviously overpaid in this country." The group stopped short of approving a plan to set the new deck on fire.