RUTHERFORD, CA—Reminiscing to reporters about his 1972 classic ‘The Godfather,’ filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola said Saturday that while he remained proud of the movie’s iconic opening wedding scene, he conceded that it could have used a lot more lasagna.
FREEPORT, ME—After six months of attempting to conceive of having children, local couple Beth and Nathan Jablonski told reporters Monday that they are still no closer to implanting the notion. "We try almost every night," said a visibly frustrated Nathan, whose underdeveloped sense of responsibility, coupled with Beth's less-than-fertile imagination, is partly to blame for the Jablonskis' current situation. "But time after time, the whole idea is suddenly aborted before it has a chance to grow." The couple said that they are considering adopting a new life philosophy, but, due to Beth's blackened, withered ovaries, the point remains irrelevant.