adBlockCheck

Cover Author Working On Word-For-Word Remake Of 'Moby-Dick'

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Cover Author Working On Word-For-Word Remake Of 'Moby-Dick'

LOS ANGELES—Cover author Gerald Putty told reporters Monday that he is about six months away from finishing a word-for-word rewrite of Herman Melville's masterpiece Moby-Dick, saying that his version will be "utterly true in every way" to the original. "When you cover a novel like this, you're tempted to play with all kinds of things—sentence structure, meter, all the commas," said Putty, adding that fans of the original will be pleased that he retained the same chapter numbers and titles. "I might alter the font a little, but other than that, this book will be a pretty faithful cover." Putty confessed that he has run into a few problems because his spelling is not as good as Melville's, but said he felt no shame falling short of one of the greatest writers of all time.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close