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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Cowboys Give Dez Bryant List Of Rules He Can Break

DALLAS—In response to numerous off-the-field issues over the past several years, team sources confirmed Friday that the Dallas Cowboys have provided wide receiver Dez Bryant with a clear set of personal conduct rules that he is allowed to break. "If Dez ignores the midnight curfew, skips the twice-a-week counseling session, or drinks alcohol from time to time, that's totally fine," said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, adding that the third-year wideout can also visit strip clubs as long as he avoids getting into fights. "We expect that Mr. Bryant will certainly try not to initiate arguments with police officers. And for Christ's sake, Dez, don't hit your mom with a closed fist." At press time, Jones was reportedly relieved to learn Bryant was completely sober after having been pulled over for speeding and reckless driving at 3 a.m. Friday.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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