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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.
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Coworker Almost Got That Exact Same Thing When He Ate There

POTOMAC, MD—According to coworker Luke Nielson, he almost got that exact same dish when he himself ate at the Water Lily Café located in downtown Potomac. "I was this close to getting that," said Nielson, holding his thumb and forefinger slightly apart. "I just couldn't pass up the macadamia- encrusted sea bass, though. You should definitely get that the next time you go." Nielson said he also nearly went to that very same film, but decided instead to see The Secret Life Of Bees.

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