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Coworker Even A Dick In His Expense Reports

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Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.

Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
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Coworker Even A Dick In His Expense Reports

LIVONIA, MI—Charging his transportation, lodging, and entertainment costs to his company's expense account is just one more opportunity for Soar Electronics sales representative Shaun Millsen to be a total cock, according to controller Joe Borowski, who provided Millsen's expense notes from a recent sales trip Monday. "Extra transpo. charge applies for black airport limo after first limo, white, had to be sent back, obviously. Entertainment exp. for bullshit client, $650," read an excerpt. Said Borowski: "He didn't even have receipts for most of them besides." Borowski added that, judging by the frequency and quantity of Millsen's room-service drink orders, he is also a complete dick to his wife.

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