Coworker Hastily Leaves Break Room To Avoid 'Here Comes The Boom' Spoilers

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Vol 48 Issue 43

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Performing after the band Big & Rich at a Romney rally last night, Meat Loaf offered the candidate an unusual, rambling endorsement in which the 65-year-old rocker mentioned that he had never been involved in politics before, that the Cold War is not ...

Man Throws Money At Problem

A birthday card is discreetly passed around the office like some sort of covert CIA operation, Apple's gag division unveils the sleekest fake dog shit to date, and cactus scientists recommend drinking 8 cups of water per year.

U.S. Signs Declaration Of Dependence On China

WASHINGTON—In what is certain to be regarded as a defining moment in the nation’s history, leading U.S. political figures gathered at the Capitol today to sign their names to the newly drafted Declaration of Dependence ...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Coworker Hastily Leaves Break Room To Avoid 'Here Comes The Boom' Spoilers

BLOOMINGTON, IN—Determined to remain insulated from all major and minor plot points until this weekend, file clerk Grant Hollis rushed from Midwest Publishing’s employee break room Monday at the first mention of the 2012 comedy film Here Comes The Boom. “Everyone around here has already watched Here Comes The Boom, it’s all they’re talking about, and I really don’t want any part of the movie ruined before I see it,” said Hollis, who bolted from the room with his hands over his ears the moment conversation turned to the Kevin James vehicle. “I wouldn’t even let myself watch the trailer. I just want to sit down and be surprised.” At press time, this reporter hasn’t seen Here Comes The Boom, but it’s pretty safe to say that Kevin James saves the goddamn school at the end.

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