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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Coworker Obsessively Checks E-Mail Every Couple Of Minutes

ARLINGTON, TX–According to adjacent-cubicle sources, Midwest Insurance employee Benjamin Vance checks his e-mail every two minutes. "That little 'ping' noise is driving me up the friggin' wall," co-worker Irene Snow said. "It's like this sick obsession with him. Does he have nothing else to do but check e-mail all day long? It's not like he ever gets any, either. He just has to constantly check." Added Snow: "Jesus."

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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

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