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Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Coworker Running NCAA Tournament Pool Really Relishing His One Week Of Significance

EVENSVILLE, TN—According to sources at local public relations firm Dolan-Cassidy, employee Ian Novak, 38, is positively basking in the solitary week of importance he experiences as organizer of his office’s NCAA Tournament pool. “Hey, close call for Miami last night,” said the suddenly noticeable Novak, luxuriating in one of the few precious days out of the year when he is not completely ignored by coworkers. “Man, we’ve had some wild ones this year, haven’t we? I’ll be watching the game at Flannery’s tonight, if anyone’s interested.” At press time, the fleetingly relevant man was being simply lavished with attention from a colleague asking him if he could print out another bracket.

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