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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Coworker With Fluorescent Bike Vest Treats Office To Futuristic Light Show On Way To Desk

CHICAGO—Emitting a wondrous spectrum of glowing, electric hues, local administrative assistant Jerry Offman dazzled coworkers with a futuristic light show Monday morning as he walked past their desks arrayed in a fluorescent bike-safety vest. “Behold the man of the future, treating all who gaze upon him to a technological marvel of light!” spellbound colleagues said as the space-age traveler strode past them in his glistening robe of luminescent nylon and velcro straps. “From what distant, strange dimension does this traveler hail? And from what alchemy or manner of enchantment did he fashion this marvelous prismatic smock?” Sources reported the wondrous exhibition of tomorrow ended when the explorer leaned his bike against the corner of the office and rolled down his pant leg.

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