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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Coworker With Fluorescent Bike Vest Treats Office To Futuristic Light Show On Way To Desk

CHICAGO—Emitting a wondrous spectrum of glowing, electric hues, local administrative assistant Jerry Offman dazzled coworkers with a futuristic light show Monday morning as he walked past their desks arrayed in a fluorescent bike-safety vest. “Behold the man of the future, treating all who gaze upon him to a technological marvel of light!” spellbound colleagues said as the space-age traveler strode past them in his glistening robe of luminescent nylon and velcro straps. “From what distant, strange dimension does this traveler hail? And from what alchemy or manner of enchantment did he fashion this marvelous prismatic smock?” Sources reported the wondrous exhibition of tomorrow ended when the explorer leaned his bike against the corner of the office and rolled down his pant leg.

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