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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Coworker With Fluorescent Bike Vest Treats Office To Futuristic Light Show On Way To Desk

CHICAGO—Emitting a wondrous spectrum of glowing, electric hues, local administrative assistant Jerry Offman dazzled coworkers with a futuristic light show Monday morning as he walked past their desks arrayed in a fluorescent bike-safety vest. “Behold the man of the future, treating all who gaze upon him to a technological marvel of light!” spellbound colleagues said as the space-age traveler strode past them in his glistening robe of luminescent nylon and velcro straps. “From what distant, strange dimension does this traveler hail? And from what alchemy or manner of enchantment did he fashion this marvelous prismatic smock?” Sources reported the wondrous exhibition of tomorrow ended when the explorer leaned his bike against the corner of the office and rolled down his pant leg.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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