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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Coworkers Brought To Place Of Unthinkable Intimacy By Team-Building Exercise

SCHAUMBURG, IL—Visibly emotional employees at Casper-Neville Communications confirmed Monday that a 30-minute team-building exercise organized by the company’s management had instilled within them an intense solidarity, bringing the group to a place of heretofore unimaginable intimacy. “I’ve never experienced this level of closeness with anyone before, let alone my coworkers,” Daniel York, 28, said of the mandatory “synergistic decision-making simulation,” in which employees imagined they had been stranded on a desert island and were forced to rely on one another’s skills in order to survive. “After what we went through this morning, I feel comfortable sharing my vulnerabilities and deepest insecurities with everyone in this office. There is now a profound sense of camaraderie and devotion uniting us all. A bond has been forged here today that can never be broken.” Reached for comment, company management expressed confidence that its employees would accept the doubling of their workload after half the staff is laid off on Friday.

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