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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Coworkers Brought To Place Of Unthinkable Intimacy By Team-Building Exercise

SCHAUMBURG, IL—Visibly emotional employees at Casper-Neville Communications confirmed Monday that a 30-minute team-building exercise organized by the company’s management had instilled within them an intense solidarity, bringing the group to a place of heretofore unimaginable intimacy. “I’ve never experienced this level of closeness with anyone before, let alone my coworkers,” Daniel York, 28, said of the mandatory “synergistic decision-making simulation,” in which employees imagined they had been stranded on a desert island and were forced to rely on one another’s skills in order to survive. “After what we went through this morning, I feel comfortable sharing my vulnerabilities and deepest insecurities with everyone in this office. There is now a profound sense of camaraderie and devotion uniting us all. A bond has been forged here today that can never be broken.” Reached for comment, company management expressed confidence that its employees would accept the doubling of their workload after half the staff is laid off on Friday.

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