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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Coworkers Currently Gchatting About You

YOUR OFFICE—Although they are reportedly attempting to appear busy by typing rapidly and leaning in toward their computer screens, sources confirmed that your coworkers are, in fact, Gchatting about you at this very moment. According to reports, your colleagues have muted the sound on their computers and have positioned their cursors to rapidly switch to a secondary browser tab should you walk by, freeing them to engage in their current exchanges regarding your work performance, demeanor, appearance, and any number of your individual flaws. Based on the increasing number of knowing glances that your coworkers seem to be silently sharing with one another, sources further revealed that the ongoing conversations about you can only be growing more biting and personal. At press time, accounts indicated that, yes, of course the near simultaneous laughter that two nearby colleagues of yours just emitted and then immediately tried to stifle was also related to you.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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