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Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Notable Female Writers Throughout History

Jane Austen died 200 years ago today, but she continues to be widely read and influential to today’s writers. The Onion highlights some of the most notable female authors throughout history.
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Coworker’s Girlfriend Not As Pretty As Expected

STAMFORD, CT—Employees at Greenberg Consulting Group confirmed Friday that accountant Tim Eriksen’s girlfriend, who was widely assumed to be very good-looking, is not nearly as pretty as everyone had anticipated. “I don’t know, for some reason I just kind of had this idea in mind that Tim was dating a really attractive woman,” office manager Craig Fields said shortly after meeting the woman at an after-work dinner event. “Tim’s a good-looking guy, so I figured he probably does pretty well for himself. Plus, her name is Kylie, which conjured up the image of a certain kind of woman. She’s not super unattractive or anything, she’s just normal, which is totally fine, I just…I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting it, I guess.” At press time, Eriksen was reportedly at home having absolutely mind-blowing sex with his girlfriend.

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