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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Coy 'Dexter' Producers Hint At 'Huge Plot Holes' In Season Finale

LOS ANGELES—Promising “jaw-dropping inconsistencies” and “flaws in the story line you never saw coming,” producers of the Showtime series Dexter offered fans a teasing look at the season-seven finale today, hinting to reporters that the Dec. 16 episode will contain multiple plot holes viewers won’t want to miss. “I can’t reveal too much, but fans should prepare to have their patience strained to the extreme as this season reaches its mind-bending and completely unbelievable conclusion,” series creator James Manos dished to the entertainment website TVLine, adding that the jam-packed episode offers fans “shocking narrative gap after shocking narrative gap.” “If you thought the end of season six was blatantly unconvincing, then this time your mind will truly be blown. You won’t believe how we destroy the continuity established over this past season and push all the pieces of the puzzle farther apart. At the end of the night, viewers will be saying, ‘How did they do that? And why?’” Manos added that fans will have plenty of time to discuss the finale before the premiere of season eight, when “all their questions will be left unanswered.”

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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