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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Craig Kilborn Weds Self In Private Ceremony

CARMEL, CA—In a small, private ceremony he described as "deeply moving," CBS late-night talk-show host Craig Kilborn married his love of 36 years Sunday. "With all my heart and soul, I pledge myself forever to thee," Kilborn said into a mirror during the exchange of vows. "So long as you live, you shall be cherished by me above all others." Kilborn then thanked his guests and departed for his honeymoon, boarding a private helicopter to Catalina Island, where he will spend five secluded nights masturbating.

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