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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Cranberry Juice Industry Hoping 2009 A Big Year For Urinary Tract Infections

LAKEVILLE, MA—The nation's leading cranberry juice producers announced Monday that they are banking on a record number of Americans suffering from urinary tract infections in 2009. "If our projections are correct and current trends in rough, dry sex continue, we'll see a spike in sales starting in mid-January," Ocean Spray CEO Randy Papdellis said during a press conference. "We don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but several factors also indicate that bathroom hygiene amongst women is due for a significant downturn. This could be the breakthrough we've been waiting for." Pharmaceutical manufacturers, who carefully observe Ocean Spray's projections, are also optimistic that the vast increase in cranberry juice consumption will boost the sales of over-the-counter antidiarrheals.

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