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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Crank Caller Keeps Jerking Local News Team Around

PLATTSBURGH, NY—The Channel 5 Action News Team was duped once again by a crank call to the WPTZ breaking-news hotline Monday. "I should have known it was too good to be true that Jared [Fogle] would be filming a commercial at the Subway on Campus Drive," reporter Graham Johnson announced from the scene of the restaurant. "I knew that British accent seemed familiar, but it wasn't until we'd all jumped out of the van and rushed into the Subway that I figured it out. The same guy called about the escaped ape last week." Johnson vowed never to ignore his journalistic instincts again.

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