Crash Pulled From Theaters Following Real-Life Car Crash

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Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

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ARIES: Some things only become funny when you look back on them years later. Conversely, the events of next week will seem funny at the time, but as the years go by, society will gain sensitivity and learn to outgrow that sort of thing.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 18, 2015

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

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Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

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Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

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Special Coverage


Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Crash Pulled From Theaters Following Real-Life Car Crash

OVERLAND PARK, KS—In what highway safety personnel are calling "a chilling example of cinema come to life," David Cronenberg's Crash was pulled from the nation's theaters Monday following an automotive accident near Kansas City which claimed two lives.

Remains of the real-life wreck that killed two Saturday.

"Never before in my 16 years with the highway department have I seen such a thing," tow-truck driver Karl Stankiewicz said, surveying the accident site. "This is like something out of the movies."

According to witnesses, at approximately 11 p.m. Saturday, a Ford Aerostar driven by Chris Gosch, 25, of Kansas City, swerved off a county road at high speed and rolled over, killing Gosch and his girlfriend, passenger Lisa Bradley, 24, instantly. No reason was given for the couple's unorthodox behavior, but U.S. Department of Transportation officials say they will closely study footage from Crash to try to find answers.

"There is a scene in the film in which a pair of lovers swerves off the road in an almost identical fashion to the incident involving Mr. Gosch and Ms. Bradley," said Transportation Undersecretary Richard Lathon. "It's chilling. This really blurs the line between truth and fiction."

Less than 24 hours after learning of the accident, executives from Fine Line Features, distributor of Crash, announced they would pull the film from theaters to prevent any further real-life crashes. "Crash was meant to be limited to the realm of the imagination, a product of science-fiction writer J.G. Ballard's fertile mind," said Fine Line CEO Leo Green, announcing the film's withdrawal. "We never dreamed this could actually happen. Crash will end its run in theatres as of today."

Despite the studio's apology and withdrawal of the film, Crash director Cronenberg defended his work in an official statement Monday. "My movie was just that—a movie. It was obviously not intended to be an example of behavior. What happened to Chris Gosch and Lisa Bradley is a tragedy, but it is a tragedy they brought upon themselves because of an inability to discern between fantasy and reality."

In response to fears that "crashing" might become popular among impressionable young people who see the movie, Crash stars James Spader and Rosanna Arquette have agreed to collaborate with the National Highway Transportation Safety Bureau on a series of PSAs. The televised spots will feature a sexily dressed Spader and Arquette addressing the camera while engaged in safe driving. Among the slogans to be used in the spots: "You're On The Street, Not The Screen," and "Remember: In The Real World, Sexy Means Safety First."

Ralph Nader, speaking before a special meeting of the What About The Children? Foundation in San Francisco, said that the entertainment industry must take greater responsibility for the messages it sends out. "We have come to the point where violence and death have become acceptable forms of entertainment," Nader said. "Impressionable young kids can go to a theater and see a car actually crashing into another car. We shouldn't be surprised when the result is tragedy."

Media watchdog groups find it particularly disturbing that real-life victims Gosch and Bradley were romantically involved, just like the characters in the movie. "What's more," said Royce Gehry, chair of the Arlington, VA-based Media Institute, "the car they were driving bore an uncanny resemblance to the ones in the film, all the way down to the four-wheel design and the internal combustion engine. Don't tell me this wasn't a 'copycat'-style accident. The similarities are too great to be denied."

If more copycat accidents follow, some lawmakers feel it may be necessary to close all interstate highways until motorists can receive the counseling they need to distinguish between Hollywood action thrills and the real-life dangers of unsafe car "crashing." Such a proposal could reach the Senate as early as Thursday.

In addition to car accidents, Crash includes numerous scenes of couples having sex. Fortunately, no real-life incidents of sexual contact have thus far been reported. "We can only hope that people do not engage in sex as a result of Crash," Gehry said. "Sexual encounters belong only in the movies."

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