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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Crate & Barrel Introduces Line Of Disgusting Couches You Can Put On Your Porch

NORTHBROOK, IL—Describing them as the perfect seating options for abandoning to the elements, Crate & Barrel on Monday unveiled a new line of disgusting couches made specifically to be put on your porch. “Each ratty couch in our Mildew Inspirations collection is carefully designed to be left outside, rained on, and dragged into the yard during a party,” said Crate & Barrel CEO Neela Montgomery, adding that every dilapidated style in the collection would be available in tattered vinyl or heavily pilled polyfiber and that customers could choose from a variety of colors including yellowing green and faded black, as well as 10 varieties of brown. “These couches have been impeccably assembled to deeply sag in the middle and reek of beer, with meticulous attention paid to making sure each couch is covered in sauce stains and wobbles no matter where you sit on it. Additionally, customers can have their couches customized with strips of duct tape over the gashes in the fabric or a thick layer of dog hair covering each cushion.” Montgomery went on to say that the couches come with a set of two rust-colored throw pillows that are always damp and release a sour puff of air from their ruptured seams every time they are handled.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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