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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Crayola CEO Presents Jarringly Ambitious 5-Year Plan At Annual Shareholders Meeting

EASTON, PA—Speaking at the annual shareholder meeting of Crayola, Inc. on Tuesday, CEO Mike Perry reportedly bewildered investors with a 95-slide PowerPoint presentation called "Thinking Outside The Crayon Box" in which he outlined an oddly ambitious, disconcerting  5-year plan. "I expected him to introduce some new colors or something, but all of the sudden he was talking about 'throwing wax out the window' and 'envisioning the Crayonscape of the future,'" shareholder Nicole West said of Perry's unnerving slideshow, which included a production timeline for a series of Bluetooth-compatible crayons under the heading "Fully Integrated Multi-Level Crayon Solutions." "He said that by 2018, crayons are going to be 100-percent digital, and I'm not sure anyone really understood what he meant by that. To be honest, I kind of just wanted to hear if he figured out a way for crayons to color better or something." Perry further unsettled shareholders by saying that the company would be phasing out burnt umber, as the color was "an archaic and embarrassing vestige of a bygone crayon era that does not represent Crayola as the vanguard of conceptual, cutting-edge crayon thinking and ideas."

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