Crazed Gunman Critically Injures 4

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 10

Iowa Fashion Week Begins

DES MOINES, IA—The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from...

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.

God Worried He Fucked Up His Children

THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind, Our Lord God and Almighty Father expressed concern Thursday that He might have fucked up His chil...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Entertainment

Spring

Crazed Gunman Critically Injures 4

KANSAS CITY, MO—Reportedly overcome with frustration following an onslaught of recent media attention, 33-year-old Macy’s cashier Lisa Gunman was apprehended by police earlier this evening after allegedly stabbing two reporters and two photographers who had been trailing her throughout the day. “You never think that something like this could happen to you,” said one of those wounded, Michael Stabbingvictim, from his hospital bed at St. Joseph Medical Center. “I’m still in a state of shock. I only hope that this deranged Gunman gets the punishment she deserves.” At press time, reporters were rushing to the alleged attacker’s home address on reports that a second Gunman, described as a male in his mid-30s, was still on the loose.

For a full recap of The Onion's coverage of the Gunman tragedy, watch below.

The Gunman Tragedy: A Recap Of The Onion’s Coverage

Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More