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Oh Great, Another Woman Who Only Loves Me For My Complete Collection Of ‘Rurouni Kenshin’ Manga

Well isn’t that great—just great. Here I am, thinking I’ve finally met someone who’s perfect for me—she’s caring, smart, beautiful, and most of all, it seemed like she really got me. But I should have known better. Turns out she’s just like the rest of them, just another in a long line of women who only love me for my complete collection of the classic wandering samurai manga Rurouni Kenshin.

Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule

LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

NEW YORK—Leaning in close to the paragraph of text as his family continued on to the museum’s other exhibits, area dad and Frick Collection visitor Phillip Schermeier, 58, reportedly needed more time with the plaque beside Rembrandt’s 1626 painting Palamedes In Front Of Agamemnon Thursday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

‘Our Town’ Cast Party Going Off The Rails

PEEKSKILL, NY—Describing a wild scene in which performers and stagehands were loudly conversing, laughing, and occasionally breaking back into their characters from the play, sources confirmed Sunday night that the cast party for the local production of Our Town is currently going off the rails.

Thieves Make Off With Museum’s Most Valuable Docents

CHICAGO—In what is being described as a sophisticated and well-executed heist, thieves stole nine of the Art Institute of Chicago’s most valuable docents in broad daylight this morning, according to museum and law enforcement officials.
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Crazy Japanese Punk Girl Delights Entire Dorm Floor

MOORHEAD, MN—Foreign student Misako Takashima, 19, continues to delight third-floor residents of Carlson Hall with her crazy-Japanese-punk-girl antics, Concordia College sources reported Monday.

Beloved Carlson Hall resident Misako Takashima.

"Everybody loves Misako," said sophomore Jenn Erickson, 20, speaking from the third-floor lounge. "She's always acting all crazy, running around and making everyone laugh. We're so lucky to have her on our floor."

Takashima, a sophomore who has not yet declared a major, transferred from Japan's Osaka University at the beginning of the fall semester. She immediately stood out among her Concordia classmates, not just for being Japanese, but for her exuberant behavior and eccentric dress, which includes knee-high vinyl boots, ripped skirts and T-shirts, and magenta-streaked hair.

"I tell my father I want to go to New York City for school, and he say, 'No way!'" said Takashima, shaking her finger and frowning in imitation of her stern father. "So I go to Minnesota. It's good here, too. It snows, and everything is white! Then we have snowball fight!"

While most Concordia students take pains to seem mature, Takashima is unafraid to embrace her whimsical side: She makes chalk drawings on the sidewalk, puts on impromptu puppet shows, and takes pictures of her dormmates' bare feet and tapes them to her door.

According to Erickson, who lived in Carlson Hall last year, the third floor is "about 20 times more fun" since Takashima arrived.

"Last year was so bad around here: Everyone broke into these little cliques and hated each other," Erickson said. "But this year, it's completely different. We all get along great. That's totally due to Misako."

In addition to fostering floor-wide friendship, Takashima has broadened her dormmates' horizons, introducing them to numerous Japanese pop-cultural staples.

"Misako's room is so great," said freshman Rachel Alarie, 18. "She's got cool toys all over the place, like stacks of these Japanese comic books called manga and posters for weird Japanese cartoon movies. And she has a PlayStation that only plays Japanese games. Everyone's completely addicted to this one weird game where a little man shaped like a domino walks through a grocery store. Once I stayed up until 3 a.m. playing it."

Takashima's offbeat interests are matched by equally offbeat behavior. Often, she will spontaneously scream with delight or run in circles, attracting the attention of strangers. But despite such over-the-top antics, Takashima, her classmates agreed, is one of the nicest people they have ever met.

"Some people can be so stuck-up, but Misako is nice to everyone," said Chelsea Mason, 18. "Misako's mom mails her junk food with Asian writing on the packages. If she knows you're having a bad day, she'll hang some little candies on your doorknob with a note that says, 'Cheer up, my friend! Do not be sad!'"

When she makes phone calls home to Japan, Takashima loves to pass the phone to her new American friends so they can talk to her brother Ryunosuke.

"Ryunosuke sounds so cute," said Alarie, one of the many third-floor residents who has a long-distance crush on Takashima's brother. "He's 20. I told him he should fly to Minnesota for our Christmas party."

The floor's resident administrator, 23-year-old graduate student Erin Lorimer, said she expects the upcoming holiday party to be a big success, thanks in no small part to Takashima.

"At Christmas in the quad, there's a contest for the best-decorated lounge, and I know we're going to win," Lorimer said. "Misako taught us origami, and we decorated the tree and with hundreds of little white birds. Then we made a sign that says 'Peace On Earth' in English and Japanese. She's so awesome."

Unfortunately, not all Concordia students are lucky enough to live in Takashima's dorm. Stephanie Yoder, a Wycliff Hall resident, expressed jealousy of her Carlson Hall counterparts.

"I wish we could have [Misako] for our dorm," Yoder said. "We have a girl from Germany on fourth floor, but she's really shy. She's got a single [occupancy room] and hardly ever comes out."

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Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

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