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U.S. Still Enjoying Small But Loyal Following

WASHINGTON—While the nation’s mainstream popularity has largely diminished in recent years, sources confirmed this week that the United States still retains a passionate fan base composed of a few extremely dedicated followers.

Sports Fan Has Opinion

INDIANAPOLIS—A local sports fan has an opinion about sports, sources confirmed Wednesday. According to individuals close to the situation, area man Justin Donnelly, a self-described sports “diehard,” is currently airing his thoughts on a...

Keira Knightley Answers Fan Letter Way Too Quickly

FORT WAYNE, IN—According to local computer programmer and Keira Knightley fan Tom Hayes, 38, the internationally known English film actress and model responded "much too fast" to the letter he sent just a few days ago.
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Creepy Fan In Bleachers Watching You More Than Game

SEATTLE—Reports from Safeco Field during the sixth inning of Friday's game against the Texas Rangers suggest the creepy fan four rows back is watching you and your friends almost exclusively instead of the game. "After the Mariners scored a run, everybody was standing and high-fiving, but that weird dude just sat there and stared at us," your friend Rich confirmed, adding that when he and the creep locked eyes, Rich tried to gesture as if to ask, "What do you want?" and the off-putting fan had "just smiled." "And just a few minutes ago when we all started laughing at Josh's story about his train ride, I swear to God that guy started laughing with us, even though there is no way he heard what we were saying." At press time, the sick fucker actually has the gall to move one row up into an empty seat approximately 3 feet closer to you but then watch a few plays as if to pretend he just wants a better view of the game.

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Sports Fan Has Opinion

INDIANAPOLIS—A local sports fan has an opinion about sports, sources confirmed Wednesday. According to individuals close to the situation, area man Justin Donnelly, a self-described sports “diehard,” is currently airing his thoughts on a...

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