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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Creepy Fan In Bleachers Watching You More Than Game

SEATTLE—Reports from Safeco Field during the sixth inning of Friday's game against the Texas Rangers suggest the creepy fan four rows back is watching you and your friends almost exclusively instead of the game. "After the Mariners scored a run, everybody was standing and high-fiving, but that weird dude just sat there and stared at us," your friend Rich confirmed, adding that when he and the creep locked eyes, Rich tried to gesture as if to ask, "What do you want?" and the off-putting fan had "just smiled." "And just a few minutes ago when we all started laughing at Josh's story about his train ride, I swear to God that guy started laughing with us, even though there is no way he heard what we were saying." At press time, the sick fucker actually has the gall to move one row up into an empty seat approximately 3 feet closer to you but then watch a few plays as if to pretend he just wants a better view of the game.

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