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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Cricket Located

IRWIN, PA—In a feat of extraordinary patience, auditory precision, and monklike concentration, 42-year-old Pat Baer interrupted his favorite TV program in order to track down and isolate a cricket in the foyer of his home Saturday evening. "At first it sounded like it was coming from everywhere, until I realized it was near the front door," said Baer, adding that he was able to overcome the cricket's tactic of not chirping when someone gets close to it by standing perfectly still, listening "really hard," and waiting for the sound to start again. "It took a half hour of dedicated searching, but it was all worthwhile when I actually got to see the thing making the noise with its wings there." The cricket was pronounced dead at 11:37 p.m.
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