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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Criminal Mad That Man Called The Cops On Him

OAKLAND, CA—Ben Patton, arrested Monday, said he was angry that a passerby reported him to the police. "I'm minding my own fucking business, crowbarring the door off of a Radio Shack, and some punk drives by and calls 911 on his cell phone," Patton said. "If it was his car I was breaking into, I could see him getting involved, but this is bullshit." While in custody, Patton added that he wishes he had noted the color and model of the informant's car, so he could express his irritation to the driver in person.

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