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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.
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Critics Accuse Joe Biden Of Running For President For Political Reasons

WASHINGTON, DC—Veteran presidential candidate Sen. Joseph Biden (D-DE) is once again facing criticism that his bid for the nation's highest office is based solely on political reasons. "This campaign is nothing more than a naked power-grab by a man who wants only to pursue his own leadership agendas by heading the nation's executive branch," said Stephen F. Hayes, a senior writer for The Weekly Standard, on NBC's Meet The Press. "Don't be fooled: Biden's ambitions also include exercising veto power over Congress, appointing Supreme Court justices, and even assuming the rank of commander-in-chief of our armed forces if it means he can exert his will over national policy." Biden, who encountered similar accusations during his first presidential run in 1988, once again declined to respond to the allegations, only saying that he wished to make America a stronger nation and a better place to live.

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