adBlockCheck

Critics Hail Porn Director's Debut As 'Shamelessly Masturbatory Male-Empowerment Fantasy'

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Critics Hail Porn Director's Debut As 'Shamelessly Masturbatory Male-Empowerment Fantasy'

LOS ANGELES–Across the nation, critics are unanimous in their praise of Brenda In The Ass 2: Butt Reams May Come, hailing the debut of porn director Ricky D'Alessandro as "the most exploitative, shamelessly masturbatory male-empowerment fantasy ever committed to video."

Acclaimed newcomer Ricky D'Alessandro.

"I've never seen such utterly depraved filmmaking," raved Kenneth Turan, film critic for the Los Angeles Times. "D'Alessandro portrays women as little more than sexual receptacles. What little dialogue and plot he provides are flimsy excuses to undress starlets Brandi Reardon, Rebekka Rivers, and Jizzelle."

Turan's colleagues were quick to heap further laurels on the film. "Brenda 2 is a pandering, lowest-common-denominator wank-fest," CNN reviewer Paul Clinton said. "Perverted beyond belief."

"D'Alessandro plumbs the depths of sexual abomination, then goes one nauseating fathom deeper," said Peter Howell of The Toronto Star. "I never imagined a film could be this sick."

"Brenda 2 is disgusting and demoralizing," said Entertainment Weekly's Lisa Schwarzbaum, who said she "would not be a bit surprised" if D'Alessandro were nominated for Best New Director at this year's Adult Video News Awards. "This is nothing but gratuitous, non-stop flesh with zero redeeming artistic value."

According to Entertainment Productions, D'Alessandro's Burbank-based production company, the film took less than a week to shoot in D'Alessandro's living room, jacuzzi-equipped bathroom, and van.

"No dark impulse is left unexplored," New Yorker critic Anthony Lane breathlessly gushed. "If sickening close-ups of Rebekka Rivers' super-stretched anus is your idea of entertainment, by all means rush to your video store. Not even the repetitious, saxophone-laden soundtrack, sloppy editing, and total lack of filmcraft can detract from the aura of sleazy, shamefully adolescent puerility in which D'Alessandro soaks the entire 'film.'"

D'Alessandro, already at work on his next feature, said he is "stunned" by the positive response to Brenda 2.

"Who would've thought a regular guy like me could make 'the most obscene, corrupt pornographic filth ever committed to high-definition video'?" said D'Alessandro, speaking from the Van Nuys Motor Lodge, where he is scouting locations for his next film. "Look out, San Fernando Valley–I'm the porn king of the world!"

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close