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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Croatian Prime Minister Currently Stuck Under Pile Of Turnips

ZAGREB, CROATIA—Sources within the Croatian government confirmed today that Prime Minister Zoran Milanović is currently stuck under a massive pile of turnips. "Help!" the prime minister said after a horse-drawn turnip wagon tipped over and trapped him beneath what appeared to be thousands of pounds of the bulbous root vegetable. "Get these turnips off of me!" At press time, a rescue crew had successfully provided Milanović with a supply of paprika so that he could begin eating his way out.

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