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Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
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Crowd Cheers As 93-Year-Old Fuckup Finally Graduates From College

CALIFORNIA, PA—Students, faculty, and attendees at California University of Pennsylvania’s commencement ceremony stood and cheered Sunday as 93-year-old Esther Goodwyn, a fuckup who took seven decades to graduate from college, for Christ’s sake, finally received her diploma. “Esther Marie Goodwyn!” school president Geraldine Jones announced to raucous applause as the lazy woman, who did in 75 years what most people only need four to do, was helped up the steps and guided to the podium. “Congratulations, Esther.” Following the ceremony, Goodwyn gave World War II, raising her children, and caring for her ailing husband as frankly pitiful excuses for why she was unable to receive her diploma on time like a normal person, and reportedly neglected to mention that she is also a grade-A idiot who needed a lifetime to graduate from a school that sure as shit isn’t Harvard.

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