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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Crowd Shocked After Unhinged Trump Dangles Baby From Truman Balcony

WASHINGTON—Shocked by the reckless act of child endangerment, a crowd outside the White House stared in horror as an unhinged Donald Trump on Wednesday reportedly dangled a baby from the Truman Balcony. According to witnesses, the president emerged from the double swing doors holding a 9-month-old infant, causing the already excited crowd to cheer even louder—enthusiasm that turned to gasps, however, when Trump proceeded to lift the squirming, kicking child over the metal railing and dangle it over the two-story terrace, using just one arm to secure it. Barely able to continue holding onto the baby, witnesses said the commander in chief yanked it back over, then returned inside and closed the door. At press time, a devastated Trump had apologized, saying he was only trying to connect with his constituents, and had reportedly locked himself away as a recluse at Mar-a-Lago.

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